the collective SHOUT...

so at the anti-slavery organization i work for, love146, we have this term we call the collective shout. it is one of the things that we think needs to happen for this horror to end. we define it as one voice added to another added to another getting a bit louder and a bit stronger until all that is heard everywhere is "ABOLITION & RESTORATION."

my voice joined this shout about 4 years ago. sometimes i have screamed it and others i have whispered it but ever since i heard stories of children being forced into sexual slavery i haven't really been silent about it.

well this last week i didn't shout, or whisper but tweeted to bring abolition. for those that don't know twitter is this strange social networking site where you can "tweet" to your friends about what you are doing, ask them what they are doing and share "thoughts" (the catch is that each "tweet" can only be 140 characters). i signed up to have a twitter account for the first time on wednesday afternoon (you can follow me if i stick with it at @believe146). why?

hugh jackman, aka wolverine from x-men, sent out a twitter about 10 days ago that said he would give $100,000 to a person's favorite charity IF they would have to convince him of course by using 140 characters or less. so in the last week hugh received thousands upon thousands of tweets from all of these amazing people highlighting some of the most amazing work that is going on in the world today.

we decided to join in and tweet for love & abolition. kind of last min and a bit of an experiment for us, we jumped in with a strategy to get people to tweet hugh at 1:46 EST for a couple of days. we were AMAZED. hundreds upon hundreds of people tweeted and tweeted and tweeted. shouted and shouted. love146 was followed that day by thousands upon thousands of people. we had spikes in our web site. clever slogans came and made their appeal to mr jackman. people tweeted for us all through the night. the "twitter voice" for abolition was much much louder than we were expecting. we were shocked. a collective shout could be heard.

i sat in the office friday listening to the ryan seacrest morning show (were hugh would announce the winner). and...we didn't get it...two amazing organizations ended up splitting the prize because hugh couldn't decide between the two (charity water & operation of hope). both organizations i am extremely grateful exist and got some $ friday ... kids need clean water and deserve a beautiful, sparkling smile...

although grateful that the kingdom is being built through this there was this feeling of "shucks" and a sense of just being bummed out. the work of abolition is hard. it isn't cut and dry like digging a well and watching thousands of people get clean water from it. YES we have stories of hope and restoration. we have seen children who shouldn't smile ever again play, dance and embody joy in the flesh. but the fight to end this feels tricky and SO much is required. we need a people who challenge current systems and structures, who change the way they spend money, who challenge sexual addiction, pornography and the reason why we place so little value on a child. we need business men & women to be a voice to their co-workers, families to radically engage the foster care system. we need a social movement and change where all take a stand and shout, scream, tweet and live "ABOLITION." it can be done. i am sure of it now but the road is long and i am beginning to see that it requires much more than even i want to give sometimes...oh, jesus, help me, help us. sustain me, sustain us!

i read this quote the other day and i wanted to pass it along to all of you who shouted with us this week AND who have shouted with us over the years and will continue to do so even if hugh jackman isn't doing some charity giveaway! i found it in a book, the impossible will take a little while (a collection of short essays, poems, etc all with a focus towards social justice, social change and hope). in one of the essays a women is telling a story about a conversation she had with her friend. her friend works in suicide prevention and had been walking alongside someone for awhile who had just completed suicide. sad, frustrated and "bummed out" (much more so than i was on friday!!) her friend looked at her and made this statement:

"you know i cannot save them. i am not here to save anyone or save this world. all i can do-what i am called to do- is plant myself at the gates of Hope. sometimes they come in;sometimes they walk by. but i stand there everyday and i call out til my lungs are sore with calling and beckon and urge them toward beautiful life and love"

here's to some sore lungs and staying planted at the gates of Hope...even if mr jackman didn't send his $100,000 through the gates... PEACE & ABOLITION!!!

...justice and praise...

tuesday night i found myself in a youth group outside NYC. i was there with the president of the anti-slavery organization i work with to present to a group of students about what is going on in our world today and what they could do about it. my weeks have been filled looking at the ins and outs of this horrid scene that exists today WHILE traveling to different speaking venues with one of my mentors watching him "pitch" our orgainization to churches. really it has been amazing if i sit and think about it. i have heard the same message about a thousand times now and each time i am looking at it from the lense "how can i share this story? how can i engage the church to respond to this injustice?" what an awesome opportunity...

well i stood there in an all too familiar place. the room was PACKED with kids. filled with a diverse group. much more racially diverse than any crowd i probably have sat in. it was absolutly beautiful. kids scurried in, the music started and the youth pastor proceeded to call the kids that weren't "in to it" to the front of the room to teach everyone else how to clap. the kids would blush and then ham it up. some things never change in youth ministry! :) the room was crazy! i am sure if you have ever sat in a youth group with loud guitars and funky, messy, beautiful teens you know just what i am talking about.

i felt a wee-bit akward in the room, the music was familiar and yet my heart felt far from it. i prayed for the group that god would be preparing their hearts to hear his message that night. that they would see this issue and know how close it was to the heart of god and that kids would become empowered to respond. a few songs went by and i found myself sitting down "reading" my bible to avoid singing. another song went by and i forced myself to stand again to sing...and then a chorus hit me... (maybe a pre-chorus but who cares right!?!?)

...let JUSTICE and PRAISE become my embrace...

my eyes welled up just a tad but my heart was shattered...my vision has gone arry these weeks...maybe these months...probably these years. in the midst of this seach for justice and peace (that god is TOTALLY for), i have managed to forget the tension that justice rests upon...praise, light, life...of course there have been moments when i have praised god and others over the years but they are becoming few and far between. it is beginning to feel "uncomfortable." and rather in all things giving thanks and praise in most things i have given critique with an occasional horray.

as i sit here on this good friday i am remembering the cross, the justice, sacrifice, judgment, that came down upon jesus. that it was the cross that was needed to make right. yes it was a huge display of god's unending mercy for us but it was this place where he screamed "enough, IT IS FINISHED." and died. so much of what i long for is god to arise and bring justice. for his bride to awake and bring justice into the world...which IS his hope too...

sunday is a few days away and the resurecction is coming. i often wonder what the resurecction actually looked like. my hunch it was this big fat moment of complete praise in hevean and inside a little tomb on earth. a reminder of who it is that we seek and how amazing he is. goodness, light, life at a full in one moment. oh, what my heart longs for forever... why we seek justice... care for the poor... clean up the earth... take orphans, widows and the oppressed under our wing... the other tension is praise.

on tuesday, i had a moment of remembrence. and longed to be a person that was known for embracing justice and praise...love. maybe that's where love is, where the two intersect...

jesus, may justice and praise become my embrace to love you from the inside out.

musings on prayer

"the prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective." (james 5:16)

i have been thinking a lot about prayer. yes, probably because i am now responsible for putting out a monthly prayer letter to those we call our "prayer partners" (you can sign up here if you are into that praying thing). it is focused on bringing people up to speed with our projects and asking them to petition the throne of god for his favor to rest on them. "magically" the sermon kimbal and i watched the other day "happened" to have a focus on prayer (you can check that out here if you are into that watching sermons on-line thing). pastor boyd had an in depth sermon focused on many of the questions i struggle with. faith, prayer, and how that interacts with massive injustice occurring on our planet. he talks about how he often gets confused and sometimes frustrated unsure of the place that prayer holds in bringing the kingdom come on earth.

i understand his frustration. it is hard. sometimes i feel like i pray for something and god responds. people need a job and out of the blue a job comes their way. a couple prays for the child they long for and somehow god responds and they end up with a beautiful child (who i might add is hilarious right now. he is into dancing. and does the cutest little butt shake thing. i'll have to post that soon). jesus prayed for healing and people walked away healed. and yet...

yet there are moments when we pray and pray and don't get the job we need, or the child that we are longing for...and then you throw in a massive injustice like the sexual slavery and exploitation of children and mix that with "ask and you shall receive"...and i wonder what role prayer plays. i know that hundreds of people pray for abolition. and yet...it remains. in many cases it grows. and i wind up confused and frustrated and wondering what the heck is going on.

we as followers of jesus are told to pray always, in all situations and that our father listens AND responds. that the father we pray to longs for life, love and justice to flow over this earth like water the sea... we are reminded often that the prayer of the righteous is powerful and effective... and yet... there is this question in my heart that aches, "is it?!?!"

now i out of all people have been given proof time and time again that there is something to this prayer thing. proof that so many long to see that indeed god listens and responds. but somehow that faith doesn't seem quite big enough. my "proof" doesn't feel like a sufficient match to all the unanswered prayers, especially the ones that i am certain jesus longs answer (ones that come from the hearts of girls and boys caged in a brothel or the subtle cry from those literally starving to death).

i don't intend to answer many, if any, questions that are brewing in my mind HOWEVER the 3 points in the sermon i mentioned above seemed to nudge me to keep praying...

1. prayer isn't magic but warfare- when i pray i am not saying the right words at the right time with the right magic scriptures read all mixed together to bring about the will of god. i am actually engaging in an act of warfare. (something my pacifist heart loves to think about!) it is an active response, an active movement, and active pushing on the side of the kingdom.

2. faith isn't magic but vision- vision to see the kingdom of god and then continue to pray and believe (causing more warfare prayer-ness) that it actually has the ability to come. not a name it and claim it but a see it and keep fighting for it. jesus saw the kingdom on earth as it is in heaven. he had the faith, or correct vision to see it and fight for it until death.

3. somehow, someway the kingdom will come- this has always been spoken to me. from a "god is totally in control" to a "god is the bad.a. that will win cuz he is so awesome" mentality. accross the spectrum of faith, we are given the promise that life, love and justice will come...that the kingdom will come. it hardly makes sense to me but something in me feels at peace. a longing peace...

with those three points in mind...i want to be one who prays. and i want to encourage more of us to pray. i want us to see a world that is free and push on our knees until it comes to pass...

our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. thy kingdom come. they will be done on earth as it is in heaven. give us today our daily bread and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. and lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil. for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever... (the prayer of a very righteous man...powerful and effective...come jesus.)

what barbie and i have in common...

alright so i bet you'll never guess what this adorable piece of plastic and i have in common...i found out this week while reading a magazine. i was floored...barbie and i share the same birthday. yup! today barbie turns 50!!! 50 freakin years old. you must admit that she ages super well. being 50 she always has looked more like 18 (guess i should figure out who her plastic surgeon is...ok, done with the cheesy humor).

forever i think i wanted to share something with barbie. and this year i found out that i always have. i was a HUGE barbie fan growing up. i know many folks that like to shy away from their barbie loving years but i probably played with barbie until some ridiculous age where my mom had to hide her in the closet and i realized it wasn't cool to pretend to date ken anymore...i loved her. i think i had this love hate relationship with her though. on one hand i loved her because she was pretty, had some great accessories and in my imagination i could live vicariously through her. i, however, did join the thousands of little girls that some where deep down felt a whole bunch of pressure to be her. and well, this curly haired brunette just never quite added up to the fake doll. of course i never knew directly that barbie hindered my self esteem. i didn't cry in my room as a teen because i didn't look like her BUT i think that the image of what it meant to be beautiful somehow burned in my mind...

it has taken years of searching and thought to undo my paradigm of beauty. i have seen some unbelievably beautiful people in my world. i have modeled my life, clothing and hair style after them and the barbies on the screen (i only went blond for a few months and then realized that was just silly!)...and over the years i think i have begun to see what real beauty looks like...and i am convinced that it is rarely seen on a barbie doll.

but...

in the eyes of my best friend on her wedding day as they glowed in awe of the faithfulness of jesus...in the beautiful heart of one who would lay herself down to learn what it looks like to truly choose the love of someone...in the sacrifice of my mother who choose to give me the world while loosing so much of it for herself...in the sweet giggle coming from a downstairs room as "i love lucy" echoed in the back ground...in the persistence of a young women who month after month of getting her heart broken says "lets keep trying"...in the patience of a young mom teaching her son how to draw a bus...in a grandmother who has chosen to take her grandchildren and love them as first borns...in the broken heart that chose to let herself love again, even if it meant significant risk...in a body of jesus who threw themselves into a burning apartment building to make sure everyone was safe...in the dark eyes of the little uganda girls laughing just for the fun of it...a mother who sees all the broken as her own...in the tears of an indian prostitute who just wanted to know how her kids were doing...in the smile of a little girl in a photo that burns in my mind who many see as 146...

beauty is indeed all around and in the eyes of the beholder. over the years i have had the opportunity to behold so much beauty. this year i turn 28 and this year i am convinced that i will get to behold so much more. i will have the opportunity to restore, create, empower and seek beauty. i was joking with kimbal the other day as we talked about my official "start date" with love146 being my birthday. i told him that it was very significant to me...that this year, beginning today, i am now working with a group of people passionate and brilliant in the work of abolition and restoring beauty to its original intent (love146.org). what and amazing gift!

happy birthday to me!

today i sat in a staff meeting listening to ideas, thoughts, budget updates, etc...and i was overwhelmed for a moment that this is where i sat on my birthday...as i sat there i began to reflect on the journey i have had and all the beauty i have had the opportunity to hold in this life...i have held so much more than any blonde doll ever could!

so barbie, i am glad we share a birthday...but i am thankful that i haven't learned beauty from you...thank you to all of you beautiful women who continue to teach me what beauty is indeed all about! you, over the last 28 years, have been the image that i will spend my years modeling. i love you. you make me smile!

...on the road to home...

...so it was 10 days ago that we said good-bye to denver and began the road-trip out east to a new beloved city, new haven...it was nearly a month ago that we packed up all our stuff and loaded it in a truck so our house could make its way to our new home (which i might add is STILL sitting in some warehouse in denver that will HOPEFULLY be coming this weekend...if it doesn't come soon i may have all you denver faithful riot the warehouse and drive it out here for us!!! oh bummer you would be here sooner than expected :))

...anyway, since we left denver, and our house we have had quite the adventure. before officially leaving town we got the opportunity to hang out in junction with kimbal's family where i officially became the kurtz wii bowling champ (i can't say the same for tennis). we spent some great time with the kiddos, his parents and some family friends. we then moved in with my mom for a week of fun in denver and tying up all our loose ends. we learned we had too many loose ends and should have lived with my mom for much longer with all the free babysitting and GREAT time with friends...and then we said good-bye.

the trip out here we reminisced about our lives, loves and losses in denver. we spent much of the time thinking, talking and attempting to wrap our minds around the fact that we just packed up and moved. we dreamed about what this could look like and chatted over theories of LOST along the way. judah was a rock-star and hardly needed any "help" in the back seat. he just seemed to be content with all of us in one little car (emma in the back seat with him), his toothbrush always in hand and jingling his bells to the music. i was amazed! i had a moment while judah was sleeping where i just glanced back SO thankful he was with us. he has brought a fullness, a richness and just plain fun to my world...ahh!

we stayed at homes and hotels along the road. the hotels were fun because we had to find spots where emma was welcome! emma just loved staying with us, and sleeping on all the hotel furniture. she just fit right in! omaha, ne was a thrilling experience eating with the hoins' clan, watching some good old husker basketball (i'll admit it made it much easier to watch when they ended up loosing the game, i had a piece of homemade peach black-berry pie in my hands, and i got to see some amazingly hilarious photos of mr. zach hoins growing up ! love you, z! thank you leah and dan for all your hospitality. you give a very clear picture of what the gift of hospitality looks like.

we did attempt a little family challenge...eating local. (now by this i don't mean eating loca-vore, only eating foods that are grown and made locally but rather trying to stay away from chains, drive and extra 5 miles to the small towns off the highway and eat at "ma & pa" spots along the way). it was so fun! i often thought of all you small town friends and wondered what life looked like growing up. in julesburg, co we ate at D & J's Cafe just as the local high school came for their lunch. we ate at a local pub with our dear friend in chicago and the friday night hang-out, Bulls Run Inn, in the cute quaint town of lewisberg, pa. however, i must give props to the best little cafe in newton, ia of all places. the cutest little cafe with AMAZING salads and mexican mochas, Uncle Nancy's Cafe. if ever happen to find yourself in the middle of iowa, do yourself a favor and visit!

the not so fun part of it all was when i got a winter-bug-cold thing somewhere in the middle of illinois. the last three days of the trip i had a painful fever, sore throat, and cough. kimbal was amazing! he made sure both judah and i were well taken care of and was filled with so much grace. it was an interesting experience pulling into new haven so sick i was hardly awake and trying to muster up the excitement of "we're here." i think both kimbal and i were disappointed in the initial moment. however, with sleep, some good time with friends, a classic east coast winter storm and a few hours in my new job we are warming up to this idea. today i was finding it hard to whipe this big goofy grin off my face that has me saying "this is so not my life...ahh!!" on this road it will be soon where i am saying "ahh!!! this is my life!"

a warm back

i am sitting in our friends house. it is cold outside and we are supposed to get 8 inches of snow tonight and maybe another 6 tomorrow. i just spent a few hours touring around a city that will hopefully feel like home to us soon and my nose is still running from this nasty cold that has been holding onto me since chicago...

i just finished a cup of tea, and my back is near the pellet stove and that makes me smile. i am glad to be off the road. being in a warm house with friends, and watching our children play together is great medicine for someone with getting over a cold and homesickness...i love you denver and miss you! come play soon!

PS soon, i'll post about our roadtrip adventures...we did take some pictures and have a few stories to tell!

these are a few of my favorite things

denver. colorado. home.

this city is home to me. i have lived in and around it my whole life. from my first steps in boulder to down south to graduating from DU a few years back to living in my first barn. this city is filled with memories, places, moments that i treasure. of course when you are in the thick of life it is hard to actually see your home for all that it is. and now life is moving me, my family somewhere new. two weeks from right now i will be in a new city, finding new treasures, family, friends and places to call my own...in this time of transition i have been lucky to sit. to observe. to remember life here, home. i thought i would gather some of my thoughts and share my spaces. a few of my favorite things. there is indeed so much i will miss. this place has been good to me. as i write i am not quite sure when i'll be home (visits of course!!) but i am not sure if this space will be my home . but i do know that it will always be a space where home is. where "welcome home" will always mean something to me. so here it is. a few of a little girls favorite things over the past 27 (almost 28 years!)

-the view from the playground on 16th and boulder (of course with jude smiling in the swing)
-walking to vitamin cottage to get my groceries
-1/2 coffee 1/2 hot chocolate @ ink cafe
-the sun coming through the windows at the starbucks in REI
-big fat biscuits from lucille's
-the artisan's center
-the red bud tree in our yard that we might not ever see blossum
-jude's window when the sun is shining through and his "bird" just look like shadows
-the schrug @ vita
-70 degree days in january

-the view from the top of keystone when the sun is shining and i am strapping my board on
-grandma and grandpa's 26th floor view
-the humanities gardens @ good old DU
- old school parker days...
-blueberry pancakes @ duo (with the yummy syrup)

-the "lake" :)
-the open mic at celebration
-our first barn
-dirty chai's with breakfast begals @ cafe cafe
-concerts at red rocks...oh my! so amazing!
-rio margaritas

-top row, section 203 folsom field (like it more when we are wining but i'll take it any fall day!)
-kids running through the fountain on pearl street
-pasquini's chocolate candle
-sunflower market
-lawson park
-mediterranean blt at gelman's
-the patio i've yet to eat in at potager
-jazz in the park
-the mistletoe hanging at the botanic gardens every holiday season

-the get-downer days
-97.3
-mexican chocolate ice cream @ little man
-the view from the exit just past lookout mountain
-better together happy cakes
-the chicago dog at mustard's last stand
-wash park in june and november
-all the microphones my voice has worshiped through (but mostly those folks i stood beside)
-the kurtz kabin in amazing norrie

my list could go on and on...as i sit and write i am still amazed by the home here and i am so quick to realize so much of the home is in the people i have discovered this place with! i love you!! you know all are!!! and instead of continuing it i am gonna go out and enjoy home (and all those people who will always be home to us) before we leave it!