Wednesday, August 12, 2009

...dancing shoes...

so the last few weeks have been a little rough. not going to lie. i have felt off and stressed out. my brain is always going. trying to solve the issue that surround my world. usually pertaining to work and my place in this world (yes casey, some things never change). this means i have been on a journey trying to find the "who in me." i have been meeting with a friend/mentor to talk through and dig deeper into ME. we've been thinking through what i am good at, what i may need to work on and how to move and be closer to the person that god made me to be. (of course if you have thoughts or insight into this you are welcome to share...)

all of this to attempt to allow the "who" in me to dictate the "what" i put my energy towards. it is a no brainer that i am passionate particularly around issues of injustice and seeing the people of god arise to bring hope, life, healing and peace into the center of those places. i know i am getting close to a few really key elements of the who and what i'll spend some time focusing in on (although i have finally realized that this is probably a life long that has to be forward progress for me)! but in this process there have been moments of what i would call despair and a longing to just pull away...

and tonight we went dancing!

a group from the church we've been going to (ECV, elm city vineyard) had a salsa lesson/dance party for their home group and invited us. it was strange dancing with a bunch of people that i don't really know yet, learning a few new moves in salsa (i've been begging kimbal to take salsa lessons for oh about 6 years now) and just having this moment of letting go.

the salsa dancing eventually turned into a tour through music and the classics of each era (including the key dances during those times) we laughed historically while doing the running man and roger rabbit to a myriad of 80's one-hit-wonders. i've never been a great dancer but i have always loved to bust a move. it was nice. i was reminded to stop in the midst of this world and just dance. hopefully that will be a good thing to remember in this process of discovering me. knowing i'm one who needs to stop, dance and let go...not to mention that it in so many ways it encompasses the world we are fighting, hoping, waiting for.

so in your kitchen, shower, or with baby in arm turn the radio up and in the words of young MC "bust a move."


Esther said...

kellen. my beautiful friend with such an enormous heart you fill the dark corners with light.

you must acknowledge that even your journey to find the who in you and the what to do is a bigger step than the vast majority of those who wander this world.

you are not living your life day by day accepting your place. you challenge it. you question it. you dive deeper with every decision you make for yourself and your family. you constantly think of others. and what you can do for them as one small person in this mighty world.

for all that you have already done, clearly see it as an effort few make in a lifetime. for all that you desire to do to help those in need, always remember the journey to get there.

you have the strength and will, or you wouldn't be asking. the reason you have such an enormous heart is to share it with others in whatever way that may be - through your social justice efforts or through your voice or through prayer or giving.

making the commitment to continue your journey is exactly how you will find the who and the what. i support you every baby step of the way. you have an entire family (friends included in that label) that support you. all that you do is out of love and the goodness of that huge heart. so keep it up and keep being a role model to all of us.

you may not know it, but your journey is ours, too. because you forage the way.

i love you. i love your seeking heart.

kellen.kurtz said...

thanks es..i love you too...and your right the journey is ours together (and it is SO much fun when we're on the same dance floor!!!) i love you